Why Women Need Other Women in Perimenopause
The Healing Power of Sisterhood — and Why Talking It Out Is Not a Weakness, but Medicine
When was the last time you really talked to another woman? Not the quick “how are you — fine, busy!” at the school gate or in the office corridor. I mean really talked. Sat down, unrushed, and said out loud what is actually going on in your life and in your body — to someone who simply listened.
If you have to think hard about the answer, you are not alone.
For so many women in their 40s and 50s, those conversations have quietly disappeared — and later in this blog I will explain exactly why, because the reason is not what you think, and it is certainly not that you stopped caring.
And the painful irony is, that is happening at exactly the stage of life when we need each other the most.
In this blog, I want to explain why connection with other women is not a nice-to-have, not a luxury, and certainly not an indulgence. For a woman in perimenopause, it is one of the most powerful — and most overlooked — forms of support there is. And I want to show you why, including a little science that I find genuinely beautiful.
Women Don’t Deal With Stress the Way Men Do
Let me start with something that explains so much — about you, your friendships, and possibly your relationship too.
For decades, we were told that humans respond to stress in one way: fight or flight. Face the threat, or run from it. But that picture was built largely on studies of men. When researchers finally began studying women properly, they noticed something different. Under stress, women have a strong additional response — Shelley Taylor’s research at UCLA have called it “tend and befriend”.
When life gets hard, our instinct is to draw closer. To tend to the people we love, and to reach for other women. To sit down together and talk. Or just express how we feel. We do not need solutions at this stage. Being listened to is enough.
Here is the part I love. When women talk about what is stressing them — truly talk, and feel heard — the body responds. Connection and feeling understood are soothing to a woman’s nervous system in a very real, physical way. The bonding hormone oxytocin rises, and the stress response begins to settle. The conversation itself is the medicine.
This is why a long talk with a good friend can leave you feeling lighter even though nothing about your situation has changed. Nothing was fixed. No solution was found. And yet you feel better — because for women, that is how stress is processed. Not by solving. But by sharing. As the classic proverb explains: Problem shared is problem halved.
So Why Do We Stop Sharing in Perimenopause?
Now, you might be thinking: if reaching for other women is my instinct, why don’t I do it any more?
Here is the cruel trick of modern life.